Confessions of a Pregnant Drama Queen

If you've noticed I don't have the usual "pregnancy glow" that everyone talks about, it's because I have insomnia. It's my worst side effect of being pregnant, and I don't remember having it until the very end with Kaleb, but with Dylan and this little one, it's been throughout my pregnancy. I lay awake and worry.

Worries about our baby...will she be healthy? What if she has spina bifida? Will she be a giant? What if she's covered in hair? (Ben always teases about this.) What if she has no hair? (more than likely.) Nursery...fabrics, paints? Do we have everything we need? Name? What if someone chooses the same name as us? Will I make it to the hospital on time? Some of these are fun to think about, others not so much.

Worries about dear friends who are struggling financially and in other ways, and I don't know what I can do to help.

Worries about IDIOTIC brothers making STUPID decisions that I can do nothing about. This may sound a bit harsh, but if you knew them, you'd agree.

Worries about parents who are in financial distress and having health issues, too.

Worries about the ghetto our neighborhood has become and recent horrendous crimes that seem to never end.

But eventually I do sleep, a cat nap here or there, and then I have WiLd dreams that I remember, because I've probably only been asleep for an hour or so. Recent dreams:

Meeting up with a friend who moved to town recently for a girls night out. We met up with a bunch of girlfriends for dinner, and this friend whom we hadn't seen in a month or 2 showed up with a mullet! The scary part was we all adored it, and talked about having our hair done like hers all the way home. I won't name names, but her hair in real life is the envy of all I know!

A tiny black & white fuzzy spider climbing up our patio wall. The boys and I were terrified, yet enthralled... it was cute to us somehow, so we didn't want to kill it. No idea how this one turned out.

We're planning our 10 yr anniversary... a trip to Hawaii. It's still a year and a half away, but we're already planning. In my dream I told Ben if he went on this excursion while we were there, I'd wear anything he wanted...think swimwear! This is something I would never offer...a) very self-conscious about my body b) modest is hottest on this old gal c) I know he'd choose something ridiculous on purpose because that's just the way he is.

Most recently, I went into labor and nobody was around to take me to the hospital. I must have dropped my boys off somewhere because I was alone, but I drove myself to the hospital. Once there, I pushed and pushed for hours, and no baby came. I was discharged, and drove myself home still pregnant, crying through a monsoon storm.

I don't know why I'm sharing all of this, but I think I'm hoping if I get it off my chest, sleep will come. I've been trying for over 4 hours now...ugh!